Lost Daughters: Things to Consider Prior to Reunion

When is the right time to organize a birth family reunion ? I would argue never, given what I know and what happend to me. How old will your birth parents be ? Do you want to met them when they still may be alive? If you have birth siblings will the age difference be an important thing to consider ?

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Although I was able to met my entire birth family, now 6 years ago. There were already many factors working against me- many challenges for me and my birth family members to overcome once discovered. Consider this, my oldest sister was 15 years old at the time of my birth a significant age difference not be forgotten or ignored. My second sister was 11 years older, my third sister 9 years older, my fourth sister 6 years older, my fifth sister two years older and my sixth sister one year older. On top of that my younger birth sibling was two years younger than I was.

Being so many siblings it was natural for all of them to develop into their own individuals , choosing different lives for themselves. I know my oldest sister has influenced my second and third sister a lot maybe even my fourth sister to. They share the same values, morals, opinions and beliefs to a large extent. My fifth and sixth seems to be the closest given that they were born so close after each other. They are the new Korean generation but also share a lot of the same values that their older sisters do.

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As for my younger birth sibling, because of the gender this youngest sibling has a huge burden on their shoulder and is expected to be able to support our birth parents and siblings in the future. Because of the gender this younger sibling can enjoy a larger amount of freedom. That my sisters never could.

Had I waited longer the likelihood that my birth parents would not be alive any longer would be more likely. But since I met my birth family at the age of of 20 I might not have been as mature as the situation required me to be. I suppose I still had the mind of an inmature teenage girl-at least if one bothered to ask my birth parents or sisters.

The other thing was the cultural difference me being raised in a European nation where indivuialism, equality and feminism was general beliefs. Was a stark contrast to the collective good and Asian valued society. Neither of us was prepared of the huge cultural difference that was likely to manifest itself.

We each came into the reunion with different hopes and expectations. As a result all of us were hurt-some more than others. Perhaps it is possible for me to repair the damage and restore their trust in me, one day in the future. Maybe when I have settled down and created my own family if not sooner.