Ready or not, here it comes. This Sunday, November 1, begins National Adoption Month.
National Adoption Month (NAM) was created to encourage adoption of those children in foster care who cannot return to their families of origin. However during this month, adoption agencies also relentlessly promote adoption of newborns as well as intercountry adoptions. Agencies, adoptive parents, and others call on us to celebrate adoption during November.
Rosita Gonzalez initiated the #FlipTheScript hashtag in 2014 as a way for adult adoptees to actively participate in National Adoption Month by offering a perspective from those most affected by adoption—voices that historically have been left out of discussions on adoption.
In preparation for NAM 2015, we have prepared a list of prompts to encourage adult adoptees to once again Flip the Script! We hope these daily topic suggestions will jump start your own ideas. Respond to the prompts directly or abstractly. Use them as written or revise them to better suit you. The point is for adult adoptees to talk about adoption from all our many and varied perspectives. The more diverse the responses, the better!
Use these prompts to inspire blog posts or articles or essays or poems. Record videos or songs if you prefer. Post a Facebook status or a couple of tweets if that's what you have time to do. Join the conversation in any way you can! We're looking forward to seeing what you come up with, and we will be sharing your responses on our social media channels throughout the month.
In order for your responses to be seen by the greatest number of people, we recommend tagging them with the hashtags #FlipTheScript and #NAM2015.
Adding any of the following hashtags will also increase visibility: #adoption, #adoptees, #adopteerights. The longer #NationalAdoptionMonth is also used frequently.
Some refer to November as National Adoption Awareness Month, so the hashtag #NAAM2015 is valid as well, however be aware that it's use is not as prevalent as the other choices listed above.
Prompts to #FlipTheScript on #NAM2015
Nov. 1, Sunday
Talk about what National Adoption Month means to you as an
adoptee. What is missing from the traditional narrative promoted during each
November? Why is it important that adoptees’ experiences and opinions are heard
during NAM? What does it mean to you to Flip The Script on National Adoption
Month?
Nov. 2, Monday
Talk about the “adoptee in the room” moment—that moment when
you realize you are the only one in a space who can address a particular aspect
of adoption experience, when you have to decide whether or not to speak up
knowing that what you have to say may be confusing, unsettling, or triggering
to others. Perhaps you have found yourself in this position at a work function,
at a family gathering, or while with a group of friends. Or, you may have run into
this situation in an online forum or on social media. Did you decide to speak
or not, and why? If you did speak, what reactions or feedback did you receive?
Nov. 3, Tuesday
Talk about how truths, partial truths, and lies on your
adoption documents have impacted your life and identity. Example of these include
birth certificates, baptismal certificates, adoption agency records, orphanage
records, court records, non-identifying information, naturalization/citizenship
papers, passports, etc.
Alternatively, you may wish to talk about efforts to change
laws regarding birth certificates, naturalization/citizenship, and adoption
records to support civil rights for adoptees equal to those of non-adopted
people.
Nov. 4, Wednesday
In response to the GOP effort to defund Planned Parenthood,
the hashtag #ShoutYourAbortion was created to be a space where women could
explain why they chose to have abortions. Shortly thereafter, the hashtag
#ShoutYourAdoption was created as a retort, to posit adoption as a better
alternative to abortion.
Talk about your reaction as an adoptee to the idea of
adoption being pushed as an alternative to abortion. Whether you are pro-life,
pro-choice, or somewhere in between, your opinion on this issue as an adopted
person matters. Consider these questions, inspired by tweets at the
#ShoutYourAdoption hashtag: Are you grateful you weren't aborted? How does being asked this question make you feel as an adopted person? Should adoptees be more grateful than non-adopted people that they weren't aborted? Did your birth mother consider aborting you? Is it fair to assume that a woman dealing with an unplanned pregnancy will consider abortion? Do you think legal abortion should have been an option for your birth mother? Is it fair to assume that if one hadn't been adopted, she would have been aborted? Is living as an adopted person preferable to never being born?
Nov. 5, Thursday
Talk about how your adoption has influenced your decisions
in forming and/or raising a family of your own. Has being an adoptee hindered
or helped you in finding a life partner and maintaining that relationship? How
has your adoption affected your desire to conceive your own biological
children? Have you considered or would you consider adopting a child? If you
are a parent, how does your adoptee experience affect the way you raise your
children? And on the flip side, if you’re in a committed relationship and/or
are parenting, how have these things informed your experience as an adoptee or your
view of adoption in general?
Nov. 6, Friday
For those who have searched for birth family, talk about the
impetus that lead you to search, the emotions leading up to making contact, and
the reactions of those family members you found.
For those who have been found by birth family, talk about
your emotions upon being contacted and your response to the person who found
you.
For those who have not searched nor have been found, talk
about whether or not you feel you ever will search and the reasons for your
choice.
Nov. 7, Saturday
Sometimes when adoptees speak truthfully about their
adoption experience, they are called “angry adoptees” and their opinions are
dismissed as being invalid.
If you have ever been labelled an “angry adoptee,” talk
about why it’s okay to feel anger about some things that happen in adoption,
how anger can be useful in adoption discourse, and why expression of anger or
dissatisfaction with aspects of adoption should not result in being dismissed. Do
you think it’s possible that an adoptee might get stuck in the anger, and if
so, how can this be avoided?
If you’ve never been the “angry adoptee” or if you yourself
wonder why some adoptees are so angry, talk about what you perceive as the
differences between your view of adoption vs. the viewpoint of an “angry”
adoptee. Do you think anger about certain aspects of adoption is ever
warranted? Why or why not?
Nov. 8, Sunday
The Atlantic recently published an article titled “The
Adoption Paradox” that cited a study claiming adoptive children have more
behavior and attention problems at school than their non-adopted peers, despite
having “better” parents. Adoptive parents were considered better because, according
to the article, they tend to be “wealthier than other parents,” “better
educated,” and “put more effort into raising their kids.”
Talk about the assumption that adoptive parents are not only
better than their children’s birth parents, but also better parents than others
who are raising their own biological children. Do you feel this is a generally
accepted assumption? How does this societal view of adoptive parents affect
your relationship with your own parents? Does it affect how you view yourself?
Do you feel your adoptive parents did a better job than your birth parents
would have in raising you? Do you feel your adoptive parents did a better job
than other parents you know who raised their biological children? Do adoptive
parents generally have an advantage over other parents, and if so, are adopted
children better off because of this advantage?
Nov. 9, Monday
Many people view adoption as the best solution to the world’s
so-called “orphan crisis.” To this end, prospective adoptive parents routinely
crowdfund in order to raise money to be able to adopt children from countries
outside the U.S. Talk about your thoughts on the practice of asking for help in
funding an adoption and/or your thoughts on adoption as the primary solution
for children labelled as orphans. Do you think it’s ethical for prospective
parents to crowdfund their adoptions? Why or why not? Do you believe there is
an orphan crisis? Do you think intercountry adoption is the best solution for
children outside the U.S. who have been designated as orphans?
Nov. 10, Tuesday
Many adoptees struggle with feeling they don’t belong in one
way or another, for a multitude of reasons. Talk about a time when you’ve felt
you didn’t belong, or felt less-than, due to being an adoptee. If you grew up
in a family of a different race, talk about the moment you realized this
difference and how this realization has impacted your view of yourself in the
world. If you were adopted from another country or culture, talk about how you
navigate between these communities. What is it about being adopted that makes
you feel “other?” How has your sense of belonging evolved over the course of
your life so far?
Nov. 11, Wednesday
Talk about adoptee communities and the challenges of
speaking with each other in these communities.
Why are adoptee communities important? How have adoptee communities
helped you? Can adoptees successfully support each other while expressing
conflicting views on adoption? What difficulties have you personally
encountered within adoptee communities? How do you navigate conversations in
which your opinion or story isn’t one others are expecting to hear? How would
you like to see adoptee communities function?
Nov. 12, Thursday
Adoption is everywhere—on TV, in movies and books, at work,
at church, on t-shirts and bumper stickers. No matter where we go or what we
do, we seem to run into references to adoption in every aspect of our lives.
What strategies do you use to take care of yourself when you feel overwhelmed
by adoption references? Talk about why random encounters with adoption can be
triggering. Have you shared your reactions with those closest to you? Why or
why not?
Nov. 13, Friday
Have you encountered misleading information about the
adoption industry or about living as an adopted person, either in print, or on
social media, or at church, or in a class? Talk about the importance of
educating others on the reality of adoption. Debunk the fallacies you’ve heard
by referencing documented facts and/or pointing to sources where one can learn
the truth about adoption. What do you think is the biggest misconception about
adoption?
Nov. 14, Saturday
For those who are in reunion with birth family members, talk
about the rewards and the challenges of building and maintaining relationships
with people related by biology but not by life experience. How do these
relationships differ from those with your adoptive family members? Have you
experienced the “reunion rollercoaster,” the wanting to be close and then
pushing away that many describe? Are your relationships with your birth family members
what you would like them to be? Knowing what you know now, would you do it all
over again? What might you do differently if given a second chance? Has being
in reunion made everything “better” in relation to your adoption? Are you
pleased with how your adoptive and birth families relate to each other? Why or
why not?
For those who are not in reunion with birth family members,
what is your biggest fear about knowing your biological relatives? Is your
relationship with your adoptive family a factor in your decision not to search? What obstacles are blocking you from knowing your birth family?
Nov. 15, Sunday
Talk about how your adoption experience has affected your
spirituality. Has your experience as an adoptee influenced you to either join
or leave a church or religion? Has a church’s stance on adoption either pulled
you in or turned you off? Has your adoption experience impacted your belief in
or relationship to a higher power? How can spiritual leaders better support
adoptees?
Nov. 16, Monday
Are you happy you were adopted? Do you believe you ended up
where you were meant to be? Why or why not?
Nov. 17, Tuesday
Talk about your thoughts on the adoption industry. Do you
think adoption agencies operate in a way that promotes the best possible
outcome for adoptees? What changes, if any, would you like to see adoption
agencies make in how they operate? Do you think a decrease in the number of
adoptions is or would be a bad thing? Do you think the cost to adopt is
appropriate?
Nov. 18, Wednesday
Nancy Verrier coined the term “primal wound” to describe the
pain infants and very young children experience when they are permanently
separated from their biological mothers. Others have said that some adopted children may suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). A
recent study also found that adopted people are more likely to attempt suicide.
Talk about your thoughts on trauma as it relates to
adoption. Do you believe adopted children suffer a primal wound? Have you struggled with anxiety, depression, or other issues as a result of your adoption? Do
you think trauma in adoption can be avoided, and if so, how? If you have ever
sought counseling for issues related to your adoption, talk about how that
experience went for you. Did you have difficulty finding a qualified therapist? Did you
find therapy helpful? How can counselors and therapists better support adoptees?
Nov. 19, Thursday
Talk about your understanding of why you were relinquished
for adoption by your birth family and/or why you were adopted by the family
that raised you. Do you know the whole story of your birth, relinquishment, and
adoption? Do you feel it was necessary that you were separated from your birth
family? Do you feel your birth parents received appropriate counseling and
support prior to relinquishing you? Do you feel that members of your extended
birth family were allowed appropriate input in your relinquishment? Do you feel
your adoptive parents had the best intentions in seeking to adopt a child? Do
you feel your adoptive parents were appropriately prepared and received the
right amount of education/advise/training prior to adopting?
Nov. 20, Friday
Positive Adoption Language (PAL) and Respectful AdoptionLanguage (RAL) are two sets of vocabulary touted as being appropriate,
non-offensive terminology to use when speaking about adoption.
Talk about whether or not you agree with the appropriateness
of specific terms on either list from an adoptee perspective. Do you feel the
vocabulary proposed is respectful of adoptees? Do you have any alternate
suggestions for specific terms on either list? How important are the words we
choose to speak about adoption? Are there other terms not on these lists that
you either wish were used more or wish everyone would stop saying?
Nov. 21, Saturday
November 21 is designated as National Adoption Day to raise
awareness of the more than 100,000 children in foster care who are in need of a
permanent home.
If you were once a foster child or once lived in an orphange,
talk about your experience with either foster care, orphanage care, or
adoption.
For everyone, when (if ever) do you think permanent adoption
is the best option for a child in foster care or an orphanage? Do you think too
many children are placed in foster care/orphanges, and if so, why do you think
this is? Do you feel there will always be a need for adoption for some
children. Why or why not? What would you like to see change in terms of helping
children in foster care/orphanages find permanent homes?
Nov. 22, Sunday
Talk about your relationship with your adoptive family. Have
you always known you were adopted? Do you feel a strong bond with your adoptive
parents? How has your relationship with your adoptive parents evolved over the
years? How open about adoption are you able to be with your adoptive parents? Do
you relate well with your adoptive siblings, if you have any? Do you feel
accepted by your extended adoptive family? Do you feel you belong in your
adoptive family? What, if anything, do you wish your adoptive parents or other
adoptive family members would do differently in order to better support you?
Nov. 23, Monday
If you are an intercountry or transracial adoptee, talk about
how you view yourself in relation to your families, your friends and peers, and
the community you either grew up in or live in now. If you were adopted from a
country outside the U.S., do you identify as an immigrant? Where/how do you
find resources to fill the gaps in your cultural identity formation?
If you were raised by same-sex adoptive parents, talk about
your experience in relation to your relatives, friends, and peers who did not
share this family structure. What challenges have you faced navigating in a
society that is only beginning to come to terms with homosexuality? How has the
makeup of your adoptive family affected your own identity formation?
If none of the above scenarios apply to you, talk about the
role of ancestry and culture in your life as an adoptee. Did you grow up
knowing your biological ancestry? Were you raised with different cultural
traditions than you might have been if you weren’t adopted, and how has this
affected your identity formation? Is your biological genealogy important to
you?
Nov. 24, Tuesday
Is there a message related to your adoption that you would
like to send to someone in your life, if only you knew it would be
well-received? Maybe there is something you would like to say to your birth
mother or your adoptive father, or a sibling, or the foster family you lived
with as a toddler. Perhaps you wish you could send a dispatch to your younger
self. Write or record your secret message. No need to share it if don’t want to.
Nov. 25, Wednesday
If you were named by your birth mother, are you happy with
the decision your adoptive parents made as to whether or not to keep your given
name? Why or why not?
If you were not named by your birth mother or don’t know
whether or not she named you, do you wish you were named by her? Why or why
not?
Would you ever consider changing your name to incorporate
some part of your original birth name or another name from your birth family? Why or
why not?
Nov. 26, Thursday
(Thanksgiving)
We are thankful for the birth parents, adoptive parents,
relatives, friends, and professionals who support #FlipTheScript as adoptee
allies. Talk about what it means to you as an adoptee to have an ally in
adoption. How does a true ally behave? What should an ally avoid doing? How
would you like to see allies interact in adoptee communities? Is there a time
when an ally should step aside or be silent? Is there a specific time when you
wish an ally would jump in?
Nov. 27, Friday
What are your go-to resources for information on and support
of adoptee concerns? Share the websites, magazines, books, movies, songs,
artists, etc. that are most meaningful to you and that you feel would benefit
fellow adoptees on their journeys. Is there something you wish someone would make that just isn’t out there?
Nov. 28, Saturday
What aspect of adoptee experience is not discussed enough in
your opinion? Talk about it today!
Nov. 29, Sunday
How has your viewpoint about your own adoption and about
adoption in general evolved over the course of your life? If you’re a younger
adult, do you think about your adoption more or less now than you did as a
child? Do you talk about adoption more or less often? If you’re an older adult,
are you more or less content now with your adoption than you were as a young
adult? Do you find yourself wanting to learn more about adoption in general,
wishing more often that you could get away from everything adoption-related, or perhaps not thinking so much
about adoption at all? How are your opinions about adoption different now, and what
has most influenced your thinking?
Nov. 30, Monday
Talk about your experience during this National Adoption
Month. How has this month gone for you vs. previous years? Did anything make
you feel overwhelmed or triggered? What stood out for you as being especially
meaningful this year? What would you like to see adoptees do in future years
during NAM? What sort of adoptee conversations or support would you like to see
continue throughout the year?
