Julie S. -- I
currently go by my adoptive first name and married surname. Legally,
however, my name includes my natural paternal surname. My original surname serves as a personal connection to my ancestry and heritage, which is different from that of my adoptive family. On my children's birth certificates, my maiden name
is listed with both my original surname and adoptive surname. This way, my
children will also have a legal connection to their maternal ancestry and heritage.
As with many topics in adoption, names seems to touch on many emotions. It is my feeling that all involved in adoption would benefit from supporting whatever it is that adult adoptees determine that they need to feel whole and secure in their identities. My ancestry and heritage did not change after I was adopted. I have very much needed to know this part of my identity and to connect with it. Legally reclaiming my original surname has made me feel more complete and connected to my place in the world. I existed before adoption. That's the truth. My truth.
As with many topics in adoption, names seems to touch on many emotions. It is my feeling that all involved in adoption would benefit from supporting whatever it is that adult adoptees determine that they need to feel whole and secure in their identities. My ancestry and heritage did not change after I was adopted. I have very much needed to know this part of my identity and to connect with it. Legally reclaiming my original surname has made me feel more complete and connected to my place in the world. I existed before adoption. That's the truth. My truth.
Names can empower, or disenfranchise
C. Swett* -- The impetus for changing my name
was wanting my children to be able to do genealogy. The cultural traditions,
religion, and morals I know, and could teach my children, are what I've learned
in life much of it from my extended adopted family. I wanted the next
generation to be able to look back, and have more than a story that fit on the
back of an index card: Mother: from Australia Father: unknown.
Changing my name was a way to build a bridge for those yet to be born. The records were and remain sealed - there is only my say so - after my death?
I now have the two first names given to me, and my genetic parents surnames.
I have done Grandparent adoptions as an attorney. The cases were presented to me as a way to keep at risk kids out of foster care. After the papers are filed a hearing is required, and generally everyone waits in the hallway. I'm not sure why everyone can't sit in on these hearings, its pretty transparent what is going on in the hallway. Everyone waits to hear court staff call their name and shares stories about other children they've fostered and did not or could not adopt, or the how far they traveled and how much they spent in pursuit of their own child.
One couple was told by court staff they were about to be brought in, and they shouted for "Joseph" repeatedly. When none of the kids playing at the far end of the hall ran towards or, or even stirred, the man called "Jamal" and one child's head whipped around. "We've been calling you" the man shouted. Jamal ran towards us, and was embraced by the woman "We've talked about this," she said and then put her hands on his shoulders so she could look into his eyes, "From now on you are Joseph, you are our son."
Changing my name was a way to build a bridge for those yet to be born. The records were and remain sealed - there is only my say so - after my death?
I now have the two first names given to me, and my genetic parents surnames.
I have done Grandparent adoptions as an attorney. The cases were presented to me as a way to keep at risk kids out of foster care. After the papers are filed a hearing is required, and generally everyone waits in the hallway. I'm not sure why everyone can't sit in on these hearings, its pretty transparent what is going on in the hallway. Everyone waits to hear court staff call their name and shares stories about other children they've fostered and did not or could not adopt, or the how far they traveled and how much they spent in pursuit of their own child.
One couple was told by court staff they were about to be brought in, and they shouted for "Joseph" repeatedly. When none of the kids playing at the far end of the hall ran towards or, or even stirred, the man called "Jamal" and one child's head whipped around. "We've been calling you" the man shouted. Jamal ran towards us, and was embraced by the woman "We've talked about this," she said and then put her hands on his shoulders so she could look into his eyes, "From now on you are Joseph, you are our son."
Naming oneself and taking back the control
Jaesun -- As for me I did start to contemplate
doing a legal name change in my teens, back then I considered changing my
surname. Only problem was that I didn't know what to change it to... I forgot
about those thoughts for some time and after my first reunion with
my Korean birth family the idea of a name change came back to me. I felt
complete, like I belonged to something so I considered changing my given
name.
I wanted to take control over something in my life that was just mine
(in this case that would be my original birth name) I told my siblings about my
idea and I was a bit surprised when they instead of supporting me tried to make
me change my name... I thought they would be proud but it seems to have been
the other way around. They used to be extremely proud that they had two
siblings living in Europe by changing my name back I'm not sure how they felt
maybe they were threatened thought I wanted to become one of them.
Naturally my
adoptive family's reaction was similar I still remember grandma with tears in
her eyes telling me "but you're Swedish why would you like to change your
name"... my mum and dad had supported my name change when it had been just
about replacing my Swedish name with a more international French version of the
name but when I decided to take back my original birth name they said I would
have to pay for it myself. They stubbornly decided not to use my new name and
still use the name they gave me which means I have a pre-name-change life and
everyone who used to know me before my name change calls me the same as my
parents.
Then there's my post-name-change life were people can't spell it or
pronounce it correctly, they are also not sure where I come from or if I'm an
immigrant. To this day I know my mum and dad still hope that I one day will
realize my huge mistake and undo my name change but so far I haven’t. My new
name is a name I like and it's more than just a name to me it also represents
my identity struggle I have a Korean given name hyphened with an international
name one name my mum and dad gave me and a Swedish name I choose myself my
surname isn't changed it's still the same.
I considered myself to be a citizen
of the world and not necessarily a Swedish or Korean and since I've had
thoughts of moving to Korea someday it also seemed reasonable to change my name
into something less Western.
* *
* * *
*Guest contributor: C. Swett is a proud bastard, raised in the Bronx,
relinquished at birth and adopted during the closed era through a Foundling
Hospital. Placement was after some time in foster care for evaluation. Ms.
Sweet is an attorney who practices in New York and New Jersey; interested in
adoptee rights and stranger-assisted reproductive technology issues.
