Thank you for
reading! I am so glad you are
here. Currently, I am a licensed, certified and have a Master's Degree. Absolutely, every
child is unique and beautiful. However,
every adoptee uniquely wrestles with certain basic developmental issues. In this column, I will address the adopted
child’s core issues. In doing so, I will
offer easy How To Guide and practical Teaching Tips that can be applied
today.
As an infant, I
was adopted into a closed system. In my 40s now, I am a mother, wife, child
advocate and in reunion with my natural parents. In 1993, my natural mother found me. And then in 2010, I found my natural father. Over time, I have come to understand that adoption
creates challenges unknown to the non-adopted.
My goal is fairly simple. Through
my blog column, I hope to educate those affected by adoption: the triad
(adoptees, adoptee-parents and the natural parents.) I believe that education and communication dispel
all misunderstandings and misgivings.
Here, in the Teaching Tips
column, I provide simple and daily tools necessary to guide our adoptee
children to become secure, confident, and loving people. Please join me!
The develpmental issue: TRUST
Left at
birth. A lifelong wound and scar. Scary emotions that many adoptees cannot and
will not address. We were abandoned. And our trust in humanity broken before we formed any sense of self. Throughout our lifetime, we awaken to buried and frozen feelings of loss and grief. The heartache bubbles up at different times, places and ways. We each carry unique experiences and genetics and our adoption journey is also unique. But, we, as adoptees we all experience the lifelong walk of the orphan. We must overcome the loss, and I quote here"…adoption loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful..." Rev. Keith C. Griffith
Building TRUST through communication
Society does not
like the orphan image. It is not fun,
happy or for small talk. But abandonment and loss are core developmental issues. We know that all children must develop trust with their parents or guardians. Devoloping trust is a milestone and creates strong self-esteem and self-knowledge of oneself and world. But, adoption demands extra attention and patience with the child. So, my teachable moment today
is about Building Trust. How do we build trust for adoptees? There are many ways to build trust. But, right now, let us focus on communication.
Communication sets us free.
Acknowledgement of our joy and pain builds trust. So, we need to listen, talk, listen, talk and guide. Be an open and safe place. Even when it is hard and sad. Even when you want to run and you are shaking
inside. Keep talking and keep listening. Ask questions. Listen, be patient. Construct the foundation of trust. I suggest a life-long open ended conversation between yourself and your adoptee child.
Back in childhood....
Back in childhood....
I can’t remember a
time when I did not know that I was adopted.
Open communication built trust between myself and mother. We don’t need to protect our children from
the adotion truth.
My mom tells a
story about the two of us in California.
I was about 2 yrs old, with an immense vocabulary, no doubt in part, due
to her communication style. I toddled
down the parquet floors and claimed, “I
am adapted." I’m sure my mom smiled. "Well, honey, actually, you are adopted." "That too!" I said.
My adoption was never
a secret. Later, openess helped me when I felt the loss. Open, honest communication encouraged thoughtful conversations and healing. Sometimes, the loss overtook me in a wave of anger. Other times, slow, sad raindrops drifted down on me. Throughout my life, I knew that I
could talk to my mom and she would listen. She put herself aside and put my needs first. And her love and open communication created trust.
So. My teachable moment of the day: Listen, talk, listen and talk. Make
communication the rhythm in the relationship with your child. It opens doors to the heart and soul.
Warmly,
Dorothy
