From the Lost Daughters Contributors:
Anonymous - I've felt from time to time that I really needed to take a break from it. Last time was when I was in university trying to write a thesis about adoption. I came to a point where I thought, talked, dreamed, read and watched adoption-related things.
It felt like my mind was just being stuffed with heavy
things which, although interesting, was very emotional to me. And well I guess I
was partial in a sense.
Rebecca - This is tough
one for me. I've only been blogging for a little over a year, and I haven't taken a break yet. I am thinking of
taking a break from blogging but it's not because I want a break from
adoption-related things; it's because I've started writing a novel and I'm
starting to realize I'm never going to make any progress if I don't make it my
primary writing focus.
Laura - I've only been
blogging a little while as well. I think it would be more interesting to
comment on how anyone has ever taken a break ... From their reunion, and why.
Amanda - I take breaks! I take breaks all the time!
Not really from blogging, perhaps just a week at a time if I do. My blog is my domain. It doesn't really cause me that much stress. Same with reunion. There is never an emotional cut-off, just periods of disengagement perhaps.
Rebecca - I take breaks,
too. But they are very short. I'll say "I'm not going to look at any
adoption related blogs/groups today." Sometimes
I make it till noon!
Michelle - I've taken
breaks from talking about adoption. I'm in contact with a lot of adoptive
families. Sometimes I can engage and other times I just have to pull back out
of sheer self-preservation.
Taking a Break from Our Birth Families
Dorothy - Are you kidding me? My entire childhood was one giant break. Although both of my
parents encouraged and supported a reunion. I wanted no part. After the reunion,
years ago, it took me half my lifetime to contact my natural father. So wish I
would have done sooner. He understands me.
Absolutely, I have a very tough time integrating my adoption identity, or
whatever we, as adoptees coin that part of us. I now have amazing siblings that
are living far from me. They are loving, vulnerable and open. Even offered to
buy me a plane ticket to meet them. But, I had to tell them that I could not
handle the emotional disruption.
Recently, I met the natural father and siblings, and I am still sorting it all out. SO...although psychiatry will say integration is key to adoption healing, I say that the key is self healing. For what it's worth.
Recently, I met the natural father and siblings, and I am still sorting it all out. SO...although psychiatry will say integration is key to adoption healing, I say that the key is self healing. For what it's worth.
Laura - Zing! You’re right ... My entire
childhood, too, was one big break from my birth mother! When we reunited, we
were frantic to play catch-up for the last twenty-three years.
Now that I’m an adult with my own children, I think I’ve
matured a bit. I don’t talk to my a-mom every day. I no longer need to tell my
b-mom every single tiny detail of my life.
Rebecca - Thanks for
your comments, Dorothy. You've given me a new way to think about
"break." I did something similar. My reunion with my b-mom's family
was amazing but also completely overwhelming. It was another fifteen years
before I was ready to do it again. I'm just now getting to know b-dad now.
Dorothy Sands - Adoptee time is
altogether different than non-adoption time. It is like a vortex.
Reunions
Cathy - Rebecca, I relate to your comment about it being a long time before you were ready to do it again. I feel that way about every part of reunion, even after all this time.
Each time there's something new, someone new to meet, I think, "here I go again..."
I've taken breaks. My b-mom and I actually did therapy
together after we got to a dark place after the honeymoon phase. At one point,
the therapist had told Kate to back off and not contact me at all. We would
only see each other in therapy. And once I wasn't being pursued by her, I was
comfortable approaching her again at a new level.
Thanks to the Lost
Daughters contributors, Anonymous, Rebecca, Laura, Amanda, Michelle, Dorothy
Sands, and and Cathy.
Image from freedigitalphotos.net, post compiled by Laura Dennis
